i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
