I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
