my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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