WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All I want is dick and wine.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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