glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
