I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
