I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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