all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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