He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
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Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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