I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i think i just lost a toe
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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