its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
