do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
