jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
