I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
