I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize