I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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