You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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