I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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