Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
