He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize