I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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