all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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