i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
