I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
