I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
