Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Come on in and take your pants off
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