Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
