Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
