Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
