i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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