id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
