And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
