I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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