oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
