I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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