I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
