M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
