Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
