I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize