Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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