Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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