I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You made out with two different species that night
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
