i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Farmville is her only friend.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
