You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
