the condom got lost in my hair
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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