so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
