Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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