Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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