I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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