first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
