I'm lost and stupid without you.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
