Plan B is the new Plan A
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
