New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
