Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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