i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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