erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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