she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
