Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
