I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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