Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
