I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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