He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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