The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
