don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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