I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
