i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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