i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
