he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
