I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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