I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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