The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
vagina is talking i cant
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You had me at "let me see your balls"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
