So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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