Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
