Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
