Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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