I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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