So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
